If God is anything at all:
It’s nothing and everything.
If God is anything at all:
It’s nothing and everything.
A while back, I think it was maybe March of 2016 or 2017, I went out to Joshua Tree with some friends to go camping and eat San Pedro cactus. After we arrived and set up camp we had a little ceremony and choked down our cactus, it tastes awful and induced some nausea at first.
Still feeling nauseas and not yet feeling any psychedelic effects, after an hour or so I decided to get up and go take a walk through the rocky hills surrounding our campsite. I started up the hill as the sun was creeping closer and closer towards the horizon, my roommate followed me, I continued you up the hill and the sinking sun started to bath everything in pink and magenta, feeling the effects of the cactus start to take hold I turned around to view the spectacular sunset which by now appeared to be rippling with energy and emanated other worldly rainbow refraction of light, I turned around and continued up the hill almost chasing the sunset, wanting to soak up every last drop of sunlight. Passing all sorts of seemingly alien plant life and nearing the top of the hill, I heard what sounded like rushing water, I froze, and listened, my mind struggled to figure out why I was all of a sudden hearing rushing water, did a damn break? we were camping near an old spring/oasis and there was a dry river bed running through the area. Was a flash flood coming? I continued to listen. Then it dawned on me, I wasn’t hearing water at all, I was hearing a rattle snake, issuing it’s warning sound loud and furiously. I turned around to look at my roommate who was probably about a hundred yards down the hill, she had heard it too, but also, couldn’t figure it out, we shouted back and forth and I told her it was a snake, she seemed scared and wanted me to turn around, I wanted a closer look. I checked my surroundings and determined I was safe, I could tell where the sound was coming from, so I climbed a little higher and peered over a bush. And there it was a giant rattle snake with a giant lizard head first down it’s throat with legs and tail sticking out of it’s mouth. I was awestruck, The rattlesnake was so pale and pinkish exaggerated by the color of the sun light refracting through the atmosphere. And the Lizard looked so dark against the pale rock of Joshua Tree, absorbing more light than reflecting, this dark shadow form was being consumed and absorbed into the furious fire of the snake. In my heightened state, I could see the speed and intensity the direct transfer of life force energy surging into the snake from the lizard, It’s blood immediately nourishing and energizing the snake to consume more and more and grow larger, for the snake this was leveling up, becoming a newer larger more powerful type of snake. for the lizard it was terror? Or maybe that’s just my projection. Certainly evolutionary triggers would have encouraged the lizard to fight for it’s life, to run to escape and live another day, but it didn’t get away, it got caught and had now surrendered it’s life, did it have a moment of peace? A moment of surrender where god lifted it up and out towards the heavens and all was well? Or was it still aware as the acids inside the snakes stomach began to burn through it’s skin? Or some combination of both experiences. What would that feel like from the perspective of the lizard? Then: What would that feel like from the perspective of the snake?
My mind tried to struggle with a moral dilemma: Is it okay for that snake to eat that lizard? Surely the lizard wanted to live right? but the snake needed to kill and eat the lizard in order to continue to live, it doesn’t really have a choice. How does the snake know it wants to eat that lizard? Does it have any choice or is it just a passive witness to forces it has no control over? Or is it deliberately thinking “I want to eat that lizard, I’m going to get it and eat it”? I contemplated deeply the circle of life. It would suck to be eaten. Even if you’re the greenest most biodynamic permaculture conscious woke hippie vegan social justice warrior, you can’t be here on earth and not be engaged in this cycle of life, it’s not possible to escape from the constant flow of life and death, it’s not possible to escape from consuming and being consumed it’s constantly happening in all types of processes in us and all around us. Life flows continuously. What are the boundaries for how I want to interact with this fact?
I started back down the hill to get back to camp before it got dark, it took me awhile because now every object I saw looked like a snake. Eventually I got back to camp and had probably the most fun time I’ve ever had on psychedelics, just sitting around the campfire downloading a million insights at once, in complete awe of the beauty of the universe, star gazing at the stars in the sky which appeared to be pulsing and rippling through the sky, I became keenly aware of the earths atmosphere juxtaposed against outer space, the atmosphere is more like a thick liquid that we’re all swimming through and viewing the world through, when compared to outer space, I felt like a pond creature perceiving the rest of the universe from under a thin layer of water on a rock with a core of molten lava hurtling through space at thousands of miles per hour around the sun. Such a tiny space ship we all live on!
Later that night I crawled into my tent to try to sleep. As soon as I closed my eyes I was in a pit of snakes, intense geometric zig zag visuals danced through my minds eye. It was hellish, but somehow I knew if I wanted peace I had to let the snakes consume me. I became the lizard. But I didn’t disappear into oblivion. Instead I punched through to a deep empty euphoric peacefulness and drifted off to sleep.
I awoke serenely a few hours later as my tent began to fill with light. Was the sun coming up? I popped my head out, no it was the moon! Which wasn’t full but close to it and was very bright in the arid and light pollution lacking desert atmosphere. I got up to walk around, the air was perfect and felt like silk against my skin. The moonlight was illuminating sparkling dew drops on all the plant life. I stopped to examine a spider web covered in dew drops sparkling before the light bouncing gently off the moon. It was so beautiful everything felt so perfect and peaceful.
Then next day we were all tired but still feeling the afterglow of such an extraordinary experience of stepping into a different dimension for a night.
We shared our experiences, ate some papaya and watermelon and then piled into our cars to drive back to the city and shower, eat and nap.
The vivid imagery of that lizard being consumed by a rattlesnake stayed with me. I continue to contemplate it in all aspects of life. Striving to allow myself to be constantly consumed by life and constantly consuming life.
While Planets clasp together by invisible strings
Eternities of tongues tickling flower flesh engulfed in a river of rainbow ecstasy.
Slow fading Amnesia she blinks awareness back into her senses, breath, surroundings. The scale tips and she recognizes where she is and gasps it in.
In with the Present,
Out with the Timeless.
Her lover crouching patient and silent, watching with anticipation.
Moonlight Streaming in,
her defenses gone in her body transparent,
it penetrates her liberated heart.
She Tearfully wishes to be truly wild.
And with that thought, she claims her freedom,
leaping out the open window and disappearing into the darkness between the Ferns,
running full speed.
Dancing flying faster faster wind ears barefoot mindless clarity absolute stillness in heart.
Intensity Marries Serenity.
I can’t tell where one starts and the other begins but both are here.
A whole world constructed a whole universe spinning, but it’s just a facade. A face of God. and the Truth is vast.
I complete the cycle lovingly, transmuting and the Moon licks my bare back as I harvest the tide and dance the singing of my heart.
Strike with spear timeless wordless focus.
The language of the Moon is radically different.
and still, Deranged dancers twirl to hear its silence.
Life consumes Life.